Burtonia Blogs

Burtonia Christmas Cookie Exchange Application Form

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 18:05:00 +0000

Because of many past disappointments, awkward moments, and brushes with food poisoning, we at Burtonia have decided to institute an application process for participation in our annual cookie exchange. If you are interested in taking part, please fill out the following form.

Name:
Phone Number:
Title of proposed submission:
Briefly describe food item:
	Contains Chocolate
Date of last oven cleaning:
Have you ever included meat products in a desert:
How well do you handle rejection:

submit

Thank you. If your application is accepted, you will be informed within forty-eight hours of the cookies exchange.

Virtual escape from the surly bonds

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 13:27:00 +0000

This has been a dream of mine from childhood, and now it's available for only $479. Someone must, however, take this to it's logical endpoint: combat!

A Legacy of Debt

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:09:00 +0000

The other day I was explaining the national debt to my children. I used the round figure of thirty thousand dollars for each U.S. citizen and explained that each of them had that figure hanging over their heads. I had to stop when my eight year old nearly came to tears.*

What was sadder and more poignant that that, however, was my oldest son's response (who is just starting to work and earn money). With bravery and confidence he announced that he thought he could pay his portion off. That tore at my heart even more than the younger one's fear.

* My wife and I often cackle over how many wonderful stories our kids will have of our soul-damaging parenting.

Little Dorrit

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:36:00 +0000

We are now three quarters through the recent Andrew Davies adaptation of Little Dorrit. How does it stack up against other Dickens adaptations? I think one must compare it to the more obscure Dickens, the 800 page table thumpers like Bleak House, Our Mutual Friend, Martin Chuzzlewit, and the like. The most popular books (and thus adaptations) consist of the lone, young male hero, making his way in the Victorian jungle (e.g. Nicholas Nickleby, David Copperfield, Great Expectations, etc.). Dorrit is not Dickens at his best, and suffers from the usual sprawling and tangled plot and a florid sentimentality. Dickens was best at creating memorable characters, endowing them with humor and sympathy. When he tried his hand at sketching human institutions in the same way he drew human characters, he was not as successful, and Little Dorrit features the lamentable "Circumlocution Office." Its intrusions are unwelcome and off-key, both in the book and this drama.

Davies, the master adaptationist, has succeeded with the material. Near as I can tell from having slogged through about a thousand pages, the center of the story is the contrast between the eponymous Amy Dorrit and her father, an inmate of the Marshalsea debtors' prison. In classic ironical fashion, Mr. Dorrit's life exhibits meaning and even grace within the confines of the prison. Once he achieves his dearest dream of release from the prison, however, he falls apart. Amy, on the other hand, maintains an admirable and beautiful equanimity in poverty and riches.

Claire Foy, as Amy Dorrit, has rescued the literary character from other-worldly sainthood. It's a perfect example of wonderful physical casting, as she has to be a slight person, while at the same time portraying great moral force. In these enterprises, there is always some minor character who steals scenes, and in this case it is the gruff but tender-hearted debt collector Pancks. A casting failure: Tattycoram is portrayed by black woman, which is anachronistic and a silly multi-culti conceit. The entire Miss Wade/Tatty subplot was further tainted by the barest whiff of injected lesbianism. The creative class must have its say.

Bottom line: you can't go wrong with Andrew Davies, though for my money the best in this class is still Our Mutual Friend.

Google's Worst Idea Yet

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 21:36:00 +0000

Sidewiki. It's like handing a bunch of junior high boys a can of spray paint as they enter the museum. And the helpful/unhelpful community rating system won't help. I actually hope every sidewiki ends up a spam and p0rn link ghetto. Then it might die.

Digg vs. Reddit

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:11:00 +0000

As a voracious consumer of news, I rely on web aggregators to save my time. I have been using digg for several years to alert me to important stories in technology and science. The signal to noise ratio has been falling for some time. Apple cult devotees are overweighted in the user base and it gives rise to mounds of garbage posts with titles like "Six Reasons Why You Aren't Good Enough to Own a Mac" or "My iPod cured my girlfriend's cancer. Here's how." Not to mention the worshipful posts on Steve Jobs that would make Dear Leader blush.

On a recommendation from a colleague*, I have switched to reddit. Much better. More of a nerdy focus. Some really smart commenters. Reminds me of slashdot in the early days. Its users share with digg a militant atheism and a frothing-at-the-mouth hostility to intelligent design, but less political slant (e.g. on global climate change for instance).

And redditers are wittier. A few days ago, some enraged geek** posted (I've cleaned up the language):

Blast You Sun! Bundling trialware with the latest Java update is some major B.S.

A day later a wag posted:

Blast You Sun! Bundling harmful ultraviolet radiation with visible light is some major B.S.

Funniest thing I've read all week.

* Actually he's the guy who polishes my monitors, but I call him a "colleague" to make him feel important.

** Is there any phrase in the English language that conjure up a vision of impotence better than "geek rage"?

E-Bay Sale

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 10:55:00 +0000

I'm selling my kids' toys on ebay. Yeah, I'm that kind of dad.

The fan mail for the auction description is already trickling in...

UPDATE: The ridiculous price was my son's idea. I myself have a low opinion of inflated prices for used junk. If I had any say in the matter it would already be in landfill.

The History of Me

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 10:40:00 +0000

Through what I'm coming to see as a series of unfortunate events, my two oldest sons are now enrolled in the local public school, for the first time. What I've observed so far has nudged me out of blogging hibernation. This is the first in a series of curmudgeonly reports.

Last night, my freshman came to me in puzzlement over his first assignment in World History. It began with a banal quote from Audrey Hepburn* of all people. It went on to ask the student to draw a symbol that represented...Himself or Herself. Having never before been asked to participate in such a solipsistic* exercise, he was properly baffled.

Instead of beginning with the thrilling decipherment of cuneiform, or the yet-to-be solved mysteries of Linear B and Harappan, or the foundation myths of the fertile crescent, we begin with something far, far more important. The student's own ego.

The second part of the assignment was slightly more laudable - stating three personal goals for World History. One of my son's goals was to learn more about Napolean. Given this inauspicious beginning, I suspect he will be disappointed. The unit covering the period 1795-1815 will likely be crowded with the following:

1. Twilight of the Peoples: the world-wide destruction of indigenous cultures as a consequence of European imperialism.
2. A World a Warming: the origins of anthropogenic climate change during the so-called Industrial Revolution
3. Lifestory(tm): a creative imagining of Shaka Zulu's boyhood.

At least I can console myself that my son knows there was such a person as Napoleon.

* Audrey Hepburn's signal service to the world was to warn young men off of mentally unstable young women, no matter how lithe and winsome they may appear. This is the key take-away message from "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and I hope you remember it every time "Moon River" is played.

* Solipsistic: pertaining to the idea that one's own self is the most important or only thing that exists.

What's Playing at Burtonia

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:19:00 +0000

Jang Geum, the epic story of an orphan girl's rise through the royal kitchens of 16th century Korea. Never has food preparation been so dramatic: "The palace is in chaos because the taste of the bean paste has changed!"

The good: if you like it, there's plenty to be had.
The bad: the loving close-ups of all that beautiful Korean cuisine are maddening, especially if you are hungry.

The World's Falsest Religion

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 11:45:00 +0000

In this interview, Copitc priest Zakaria Botros explains how he takes Islam apart on his television show "Truth Talk." As an Arab well-versed in Islamic writings, he exposes Islam for what it is - an absurd religion founded by a moral monster:

But faith aside, common sense alone makes it clear that, of all the world’s major religions, Islam is most certainly false. After all, while I may not believe in, say, Buddhism, still, it obviously offers a good philosophical system and people follow it apparently for its own intrinsic worth. The same cannot be said about Islam. Of all the religions it is the only one that has to threaten its adherents with death if they try to break away; that, from its inception, in order to “buy” followers, has been dedicated to fulfilling some of the worst impulses of man—for conquest, sex, plunder, pride. History alone demonstrates all this: while Christianity was spread far and wide by Christians who altruistically gave up their lives, simply because they believed in Christ, Islam spread by force, by the edge of the sword, by fear, threats, and lurid enticements to the basest desires of man. Islam is by far the falsest religion—an assertion that is at once theologically, philosophically, and historically demonstrable.

Mohammed belongs in the same category as many others who placed an unusual religious charisma in the service of their sexual appetites. They would include John of Leiden (leader of an Anabaptist sect), John Humphrey Noyes (founder of the Oneida community), Joseph Smith (Mormonism), Jim Jones (People's Temple), and David Koresh (Branch Davidians).

The Go-Cart You Will Soon be Driving

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 13:25:00 +0000

Mercedes has just introduced the "SmartForTwo". Here's how it works in a crash:

I'm genuinely alarmed because two days ago I purchased a full-sized van that would literally run over one of these things. The upside is that with $50 per gallon gas coming, I probably only have about five years to drive it. By then, a couple of the kids will be out of the picture and the hemp-powered micro-van I will have purchased by then will be adequate.

Anthropology of the Left

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Wed, 27 May 2009 03:47:00 +0000

Most penetrating paragraph I've read so far this week:

Leftism is a worldview, as well as a way of explaining the world and how everything is interconnected. Most of all, however, it is a feeling. A person who lives a leftist life is living with the appealing awareness of being in the right, in fact, being right all the time.

From a "coming out" essay by a German Journalist. He's confessing to something several orders of magnitude worse than being gay. He's a conservative.

One thing I am grateful to the left for: they hold up a wonderful mirror to my own self-righteousness and remind me how ugly it is.

Y Chromosome as Marker for Different Species

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Wed, 13 May 2009 13:41:00 +0000

Meet the boy whisperer. I will remark without comment that if I attempted to become a "girl whisperer", it would probably result in a criminal investigation.

Is it so hard to connect with boys? I guess it is if you label testosterone a poison and try your darndest to drain the world of masculinity.

Inflation: It's Good For You!

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Sat, 09 May 2009 14:00:00 +0000

This propaganda film was made in 1933, touting the restorative powers of inflation. "Old depression had us froggy for a spell, but we socked him right on the button with inflation." Someone's going to have to update it for our generation.

All New For 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Fri, 08 May 2009 14:00:00 +0000

Burtonia's newest attraction will be an enormous tree fort with zip line feature! Insurance underwriters don't read blogs, do they?

Life Goals

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:26:00 +0000

Write book [check]
Quoted in New York Times [check]
Find suitable wives for five sons [will start on that tonight]

Scott for Governor!

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:57:00 +0000

My good friend Scott Nehring was a speaker at the biggest tea party in Minnesota - in Saint Paul. Here's the video. He rocked the open-area-in-front-of-the-capitol-building. I heartily endorse his message.

A Test of Commitment

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 23:08:00 +0000

In the mid-17th century, a Russian patriarch of the orthodox church decided that mis-translations and copyist errors had introduced deviations from proper ecclesiastical traditions. He instituted changes that in his view, brought Russia back in harmony with the wider Eastern church. These alterations led to a enormous schism within Russian orthodoxy. Those who rejected the innovations came to be known as "Old Believers." The state persecuted them without mercy, torturing and executing many. Some congregations of Old Believers immolated themselves in their churches rather than submit to the government's reglious diktats.

What were these changes that elicited such sacrifice? There were only a handful that mattered to the Old Believers, among them whether to make the sign of the cross with two fingers or three fingers, the correct spelling of "Jesus", and whether circum-church processionals should be clockwise or counter-clockwise.

One is stunned to contemplate a devotion to what seems to us as trivialities. I have made an inventory of the things I am willing to die for, and these items are not included. My list, however, requires periodic revisits. Some of my core Christian beliefs are soon to be tested, yes, even unto death. Am I being dramatic? I think not.

Glance through this article, which describes a promising treatment for blindness that uses embryonic stem cells. Let's set aside for a moment the question of whether it will ever work. If Iwere blind, would I avail myself of this technology? It's not hard to imagine such a cure arresting the progress of a terminal illness. Would I reach for that vial, knowing it came from human embryos? These questions are likely to be posed very soon, if not to me, then to you or someone you know. At life's extremities it will be very easy to convince oneself that the contents of a petri dish are as insignificant as a two-fingered gesture across the chest.

Contra Elements

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 16:20:00 +0000

After I had discarded law as a possible profession, I decided I wanted to be a diplomat. Part of application to be a Foreign Service Officer was a written test, which included a rigorous evaluation of my grasp of English. A wise person advised assiduous study of Strunk & White's "Elements of Style". I practically committed it to memory, and the travail was not in vain.

Even after twenty years, some of that little book's maxims remain with me. The difference between that and which. The passive voice as anathema. Etc., etc.

After reading this, however, I feel liberated. I can't wait to begin a sentence with "however." And the passive will no longer be shunned.

Buffaloes Work as Well As Tauntauns

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 22:10:00 +0000

Maybe if I sell some of the lightsabers I keep tripping over, I could get one of these.

Y Chromosome as Genetic Disorder

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 23:29:00 +0000

Another nail in our coffin.

Even Heroism Will Be Regulated

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:28:00 +0000

This article explains how police in England preventing citizens from rescuing their neigbors in a fire. It sums up why I am so pessimistic about the vast boost statists received in November. Leviathan will crush us.

Right Hand a Stranger to Left Hand

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:10:00 +0000

You can tell a lot about someone by observing how they interact with after you give them something they need desparately.

Which is why I prefer to do it anonymously. This site is a great idea. Unfortunately, the transaction cost is quite high, but it fills a great need. From the endorsements, I'm about 95% certain it's run by Christians (McClung is a bigwig in YWAM).

Dog Whistle Screeches Rush at the Corner

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 13:56:00 +0000

At National Review's group blog, The Corner, John Hood has been titling his posts for the past week or so with lyrics from the ancient Canadian rock band Rush. They elicit a laugh every time because I'm sure they are cryptic for 99+% of Corner readers. Today's post features an excerpt from the Toronto trio's best song (IMO), Limelight.

So You Think You Understand the Financial Crisis?

noreply@blogger.com (Jeff Burton) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 14:39:00 +0000

Check out this new blog by a person who deals in Credit Deafult Swaps. Make sure you read the comments. Did you add it to your RSS feed?

I thought not.

"It’s a multi-asset monte carlo engine with a correlation matrix" I'm feeling that the investment scene is like me back in Greece right after college, handing over my wallet to the vendor and hoping he gives me the right change.