The History of Me

Through what I'm coming to see as a series of unfortunate events, my two oldest sons are now enrolled in the local public school, for the first time. What I've observed so far has nudged me out of blogging hibernation. This is the first in a series of curmudgeonly reports.

Last night, my freshman came to me in puzzlement over his first assignment in World History. It began with a banal quote from Audrey Hepburn* of all people. It went on to ask the student to draw a symbol that represented...Himself or Herself. Having never before been asked to participate in such a solipsistic* exercise, he was properly baffled.

Instead of beginning with the thrilling decipherment of cuneiform, or the yet-to-be solved mysteries of Linear B and Harappan, or the foundation myths of the fertile crescent, we begin with something far, far more important. The student's own ego.

The second part of the assignment was slightly more laudable - stating three personal goals for World History. One of my son's goals was to learn more about Napolean. Given this inauspicious beginning, I suspect he will be disappointed. The unit covering the period 1795-1815 will likely be crowded with the following:

1. Twilight of the Peoples: the world-wide destruction of indigenous cultures as a consequence of European imperialism.
2. A World a Warming: the origins of anthropogenic climate change during the so-called Industrial Revolution
3. Lifestory(tm): a creative imagining of Shaka Zulu's boyhood.

At least I can console myself that my son knows there was such a person as Napoleon.

* Audrey Hepburn's signal service to the world was to warn young men off of mentally unstable young women, no matter how lithe and winsome they may appear. This is the key take-away message from "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and I hope you remember it every time "Moon River" is played.

* Solipsistic: pertaining to the idea that one's own self is the most important or only thing that exists.