Husbands, Wives, and Hate

I immoderately enjoy Spengler's column in Asia Times, but this last week's edition stuck out for a number of reasons. First was the subject (Obama), second was an unusually vituperative tone, and third was the amount of personal information disclosed. Something about Obama must have struck a nerve.

But that's not what this post is about. Spengler makes an off-hand generalization, key to his argument: "Spouses do not necessarily share their likes, but they must have their hatreds in common."

At first glance, it seems like one of those remarks that are both plausible and insightful, mostly because you've never thought about it before. It reminded me of Tolstoy's famous opening line in Anna Kerenina ("All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.") As many have noted, Tolstoy is as wrong. A moment's reflection is enough to convince one of the exact opposite.*

So is Spengler correct? I think not. Certainly not in my own marriage. There are lots of things I hate that my wife either loves or is indifferent toward (e.g. coffee and Apple Computer respectively). On the other hand, my wife is not as much of a hater as I am, though there are few things I can think of (talk radio, rodents). Of course, these examples are trivial and may not answer as proof. However, in my observations of other marriages, I can think of enough counter-examples to call the universality of his pronouncement into question.

Any thoughts?

* It would be interesting to discuss why people might be attracted to Tolstoy's assertion.